Bitz 'N' Blogs with CJ Cross

It’s been rather interesting week in Chateau de Cross .

To begin with, it’s another week where we don’t owe any money and we’re squared away.

I have to say – it’s an odd feeling. Not having old man debt over your head. Not having to sit down every week to make sure every penny is accounted for. To try not to overspend “Just In Case” .. It’s really rather freeing. That said, we live in a world where waiting for the other shoe to drop is a thing … So, as wonderful as it is .. I prefer not to count my chickens before they hatch.. If you know what I mean.

Over the course of the week I have been trialing a different type of desk chair for my home office . It was given to me to trial via my Occupational Therapist. It’s OK. No lumbar support though -which I found odd. No neck or shoulder support either. Found it comfortable to sit in .. just everything else was off kilter a bit. couldn’t move the seat further out from its starting position and that was a real turn off for me.

Never mind.. Back to the drawing board.

Speaking of trailing things and occupational therapists .. I have a bit of NDIS news!

My NDIS Change of Situation got approved! I have the planning meeting for it on Thursday.

It took a long time. A very long time. But it finally got over the line and green lit. I ‘m very happy to be honest and I’m keen to know how much has been approved where it’s been allocated. Hopefully this means things can start to improve from here on out. It also means I’m one step closer to getting Eleanor Wheelie and I cannot wait for that.

It’s also been a week where I’ve had a bit of homework from my Psychologist. Currently, I/we are exploring my inability to accept that I am allowed to have emotions. ( There’s more to it than that, but since this is hitting on personal territory -I’d rather not go to deep at the moment) and that it’s OK not to be OK. I am having to learning that it’s OK to be angry or upset or worried or happy or whatever the case may be and not have to justify anything or over think anything. It’s all new to me and on my psychologists advice I have spent the last week just letting my emotions happen.

For instance, on Monday I was feeling particularly upset as it had been a month since I was blocked on Twitter the male lead of a certain TV show. Despite it having been a month and having been told all the things in order to remove the rose coloured glasses so I may (finally) see the forest for the trees – in that particular moment I felt sad and wanted to express it. So, I did what any heartbroken fan would do – and took it to Twitter… erm.. X .. I mean .. .Oh whatever, doesn’t matter.. to express my sorrows.

What I learnt from that is – “Don’t go to Twitter (X) when you’re miserable. You’ll be made to feel suicidal by the time you’re done reading 99% of the replies you get”

It was then I realised just how exhausting the Fandom space is. It was the moment I realised I didn’t want to be part of it anymore. It doesn’t matter how much good you may do (or think you do) ..at the end of the day .. it’s a “Supposedly positive place” that’s overshadowed by faceless, toxic, loudmouth, gaslighting, manipulative narcissistic killjoys who would rather metaphorically set you on fire than offer a single moment of kindness, empathy or understanding towards you or whatever it is you’re feeling – unless that feeling is to swoon or thirst .. or use whatever means necessary to get attention – In which case everyone is your Bestie for life.. but if you’re not feeling any of that on any particular day ending in Y .. then you’re on your own.

Will I still watch the show? Yes. Will I still read book 10? ( Provided it’s written in my life time) Yes. But outside of that, I’m done.

In other more interesting news : YESTERDAY I WENT SHOPPING!!! I went out into the real world and I peopled!

My Husband, my Support Worker Miss B and myself all went to Chirnside Park Shopping Centre and I went and bought some nice plain T-shirts and a top, some notebooks. After we left there, it was off to catch up with our friend for some homemade woodfired pizza – which was great!

Today has been a quiet Sunday – I’ve spent it rolling my eyes at social Media, watching the latest Outlander episode and writing this blog

If you’ve made it this far- Thank you for reading . We’ll see what stuff happens next week, eh?

Have a great week

Ceej